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Claudette Ferguson Profile
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Registered: 12-2005
Posts: 1484
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posticon Kulula Airline


Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg .
>>>
>>>Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
>>>lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
>>>examples that have been heard or reported:
>>>
>>>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>>On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where
>>>you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight
>>>attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find
>>>a seat and get in it!"
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot
>>>said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be
>>>turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
>>>the appearance of your flight attendants."
>>>
>>> ----o0o---
>>>
>>>On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
>>>belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
>>>something we'd like to have."
>>>
>>> ----o0o---
>>>
>>>"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
>>>of this airplane."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> "Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as
>>>much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice
>>>came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a
>>>flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening
>>>the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as
>>>hell everything has shifted."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>>>From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth .
>>>To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
>>>pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
>>>know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
>>>unsupervised."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>>"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend
>>>from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
>>>face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask
>>>before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one
>>>small child, pick your favourite."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>>Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
>>>we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
>>>nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
>>>
>>> ----o0o---
>>>
>>>"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
>>>emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
>>>compliments."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
>>>Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
>>>attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>>And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is
>>>pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in
>>>the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>>Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The
>>>flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump
>>>and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's
>>>fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it
>>>was the asphalt."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy
>>>day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an
>>>extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
>>>welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts
>>>fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
>>>"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
>>>terminal."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship
>>>into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first
>>>officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a
>>>"Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he
>>>had a hard time looking the
>>>passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
>>>Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a
>>>cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
>>>"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
>>>land, or were we shot down?"
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,
>>>"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the
>>>Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once
>>>the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the
>>>door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>> Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
>>>you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the
>>>insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
>>>tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>>Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke,
>>>the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light
>>>'em, you can smoke 'em."
>>>
>>> ---o0o---
>>>
>>>A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a
>>>comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
>>>intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
>>>Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather
>>>ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight..
>>>Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few
>>>minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
>>>I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight
>>>attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the
>>>front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the
>>>back of mine!"


---
Curly Raye
8/31/2010, 2:39 am Link to this post Send Email to Claudette Ferguson   Send PM to Claudette Ferguson
 


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